The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee

Blue Passport

Blue passport, blue passport, just makes you think,

How long we've endured our passports of pink,

(But aren’t they really a burgundy-red?)

Forced upon us by a faceless EU,

Insisted we changed to red from our blue,

(But that was not what they actually said.)

Our British heritage, blue to the last,

Part of our history, and our great past,

(But only since the year nineteen twenty.)

Passport of blue, that’s the colour for me,

Part of our national Identity,

(Just like our social inequality.)

Chris Raven

© 2017 Chris Raven

Bacon

Bacon's the most dangerous food in the land,

Not so the joint, diced pancetta or canned,

'tis the common type, that we should beware,

That sneaky streaky, that we find so fair.

So, what is wrong with our old breakfast friend?

The hangover cure, on which we depend,

Nice in a butty, with chicken or egg,

“What’s the beef with the pork,” I hear you beg.

Happy to tell you, put you in the know,

The rascally rasher is really your foe,

That salty goodness is really a trick,

It aims to kill, or at least make you sick.

I'm sure it's happened, to you or a friend,

When eating too fast, forgot to defend,

Against the rind, too rubbery to chew,

Slips down your throat and spells the end of you.

And so it just sits, a snake in your craw,

Making you choke, you can't breath anymore,

A long sinuous string, more like a noose,

Try as you might, you just can't shake it loose.

Eyes streaming hot, someone thumps on your back,

Start to black out from the air that you lack,

With finger and thumb, a pinch at the tip,

A slow careful tug, and out it will slip.

Like some monstrous tapeworm, plaid and grey,

Slithers right out as it's pulled all the way,

Past sweating lips, left to hang in the air,

A vivid warning for all to take care.

And now you know, you've all had a warning,

Beware the bacon, night, day and morning,

Don't be complacent, be always on guard,

Or cut off the rind..., it's not very hard.

Chris Raven

© 2017 Chris Raven

Tales from Even Darker Places

The Indie Collaboration Presents

 

Tales from Even Darker Places

The Indie Collaboration presents its thirteenth anthology of short stories, freely donated by independent writing's most ghoulish ghosts and gremlins. In this third annual Halloween collection, we find another sacrificial platter of chilling tales to keep you up at night.

If you choose to read these tales of ancient evils and sinister sorcerers, of ghostly hauntings, witches, serial killers and avenging angels, then remember to keep a light on tonight and don't forget to check under the bed.

Free download from Smashwords, Barnes & Noble and DriveThrouFiction, and on Kobo,

It is also available from Scribd.

Soon to be available on Kindle and in Paperback from Amazon.

Spectacular Tales 3

The Indie Collaboration Presents

Spectacular Tales III

 

More thrilling short stories written by independent publishing’s rising stars. In this third SF collection of short fiction, The Indie Collaboration delves into the vaults of speculative fiction once more, bringing you original and innovative Science Fiction and Fantasy stories.

 

Here you will find stories about Space Pirates and Barbarians, Survivors of plagues, a man doomed by time and an epic tale about Giants and Monsters.

 

So done your space suit and come join us in exploring more ‘Spectacular Tales’.

 

Spectacular Tales 3 by The Indie Collaboration (Published 11/10/2016).

Available for FREE at Smashwords and DriveThruFiction and on Kobo and from Barnes and Noble.

Also available on Kindle and in Paperback from Amazon and Barnes and Noble. 

 

In this second helping of summer fun, The Indie Collaboration comes up with yet another unique collection of original stories from the authors we have come to know so well. Now in our third year, The Indie Collaboration comes up with yet more exciting, enthralling and funny stories. Ideal for relaxing in the summer sun, just don’t get carried away and stay out too long.

 

Summer Shorts 2 by the Indie Collaboration (Published 13/06/2016). Available on Smashwords, Kobo, Nook and Amazon Kindle.
 

 

Summer Shorts is also available in paperback from Amazon and from Barnes and Noble.

The Indie Collaboration Presents

Spectacular Tales II

 

 

AVAILABLE FROM AMAZON AND SMASHWORDS FROM FRIDAY 16/10/2015

Another thrilling anthology of short stories by some of the rising stars in independent publishing. In this second collection of short Speculative Fiction we bring you another treasure chest of great Science Fiction and Fantasy. Here you will find stories of intergalactic policemen, virtual soldiers, spirited princesses, lonesome spacemen and even megalomaniac dogs and kleptomaniac goats.

So dust off your old suit of armour and grab your blaster pistol and come join us in exploring more ‘Spectacular Tales’.